Passing Thoughts, and Fleeting Touches
by chibicollecter
Summary: It was dark and it was calm. It was calm while I was raging. My hair is dark to your stark white. Skin dark to your piercing eyes. We grew not alone, but in bad weathers. I cry when we can't be together. You became attached to my dark black. I'm selfish and cannot undo that. As we go you were pure, as you went you were dark. The light can only leave fleeting ( REALLY SLOW BURN/FYI)
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** ** _This is my first HunterxHunter fanfiction. So please bear with me if the character is OOC at all. I will try to make every chapter at least 5,000 words from this point on, since this chapter's word count is only within 4,000 words. I think I've ended this chapter on an okay not since it is only the first one. I will eventually draw a cover for this book. If you would like to see my art account please comment. I recently started a new feed so there won't be much of any of my works on their for a while. I hope this book doesn't seem too bad or cliché, feedback would greatly be appreciated since I'm considering writing another story._**

 **DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HUNTERXHUNTER OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS HAVING TO DEAL WITH THE SHOW OR MANGA.**

"Talking"

' ** _Thoughts'_**

 ** _Enjoy_**

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 **Chapter 1: Hallowing Thoughts**

 _And if we should die tonight_

 _Then we should all die together_

 _Raise a glass of wine for the last time_

 _-Ed sheeran I See Fire_

* **៰** **。** **ઃ** **.°** **ᬔ** **֊ձ** **઼** **ճ֊** **ᬟ** **°.** **ઃ** **。** **៰** ***+**

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Shitty, I feel absolutely shitty.

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I wish there was a more civilized way to express my state of mind. To change my temperamental and irritable way of thinking. To think of pleasant thoughts while a miniscule smile somehow manages to make an appearance.

However I can't. I'm a dishonest person, a type of person that can't cope, yet I couldn't even lie to myself. No form of manipulation will my body take head to.

I guess waking up in the woods while it's raining does that to you.

Being damn near numb from the cold wind nipping at your sides could also do it too. Prickles of cold little devils feasting on my skin. Leaving me black and blue, and maybe it's throwing in some other colors too. Pinks and greens blur in my vision making my eyes water while blues and yellows curl and wiggle in strange shapes. They seems to be running away from the black specs that lurk around the edge of my vision. Like freaking parasites.

The color mixtures gradually make me want to pass out. To proceed past my current state of delirium. Or maybe I'm dreaming? I mean how would it look like to tell someone I was mind violated by the color pink? Yet the colors still blare to a unmentioned beat. Why couldn't I get a memo?

Additionally to the seemingly playful colorful hallucinations, I'm harshly reminded of my battered body. The winds taunting me, a sharp reminder of why the hell am I out here? Of course I'm just assuming it's cold. With the crinkling sounds that echo around me.

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I assume it's autumn. Yet the rain blocks any little sense of smell I have. Leaving me even more clueless. I slightly incline my head, only to be bombarded with more splotches of colors. However, the most distinguished color is green.

Which brings me back to questioning where in the frickle doodle doo am I and what time of year it is. Maybe it's summer? That could explain the plethora of colors in my vision right now.

Then again it could even winter.

My senses are undoubtedly out of commission for the moment. Or are just really, really angry at me to a point where if they could talk, I would be sent the bird...repeatedly.

I would actually find that to be quite humorous right now.

Seriously, I think I really need a touch of morbid humor right now, because I'm pretty sure I could be teetering on the edge of death. Then again I'm **_extremely_** skeptical of my surroundings and state of being. Call it paranoia if you must. It's an annoying feeling, trying to make me force enough room in my head to think about it. Kind of like an itch you can't scratch. A scratch that's has a class A stick up its arse.

Probably finding fulfillment from my predicament.

I could already feel the blistering pain starting slowly blooming at the base of my forehead. Concluding that I'm probably very likely to be having crazy ass hallucinations right now.

Then again I can only make educated guesses, with the whole not being able to feel much of anything right now. A not so pleasant detachment from reality. A misty vision that weighs its heavy hands on me. A type of high that leaves your gut reeling.

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A terrible type of high actually.

It's a whole breed of it's own that leaves its victims in a false state of reality and eventual increase in stupidity. Some may dub it as being bold or even courageous. However, entertaining the idea of any type of movement surpasses my current level of skills and ability to function.

I like to say I'm a well-rounded individual, but for the time being I'm nothing short next to the word moronic, and I honestly wouldn't mind being called so.

I suck in a shallow breath finding a soothing feeling blanket me.

Just breathing... honestly and semi efficiently never felt **_so good_**...

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 _Breathing,_ the unrelenting motions of my lungs almost vocally proving that I'm indeed alive. Not walking, or running or doing anything productive about my situation but alive nonetheless.

I glance down seeing red spots blur the surrounding area. That means I can probably see myself slowly bleeding to death. The crimson being smudged and peppered on the ground like a " _pretty, pretty picture"._

 ** _'Fucking heinous piece of shit that is'_**

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The black circles that have been eating away at my vision start to flash annoyingly. Increasing in my peripheral vision, a warning, to my last few legs of consciousness.

Or until my eternal rest, or slumber or burning or whatever I'm supposed to be doing. I seriously don't know what's up with death right now. I already thought I was suppose to be in the afterlife. Chilling out to some ocean music. Probably listening to whale mating calls, and tides crashing onto the ashen colored sands.

I've always wanted to see the dark depths of the oceans. Getting captivated by the way my feet get swallowed by the waters. I've always wondered would I just get sucked up in the murky waters. Drowning out my problems, ecstatic in a unmoving state. I always accompanied such thoughts with scary images of me getting sucked up wholly with no chance of surviving. Yet I wouldn't care because I would be too caught up on the blues and greens that take up my eyesight.

Or I could be blabbering some nonsense about how I have found serenity and a nice place to just lay down. The dewy grass covered in almost seemingly crystalline waters. It's aroma blending into my natural scent. Vanilla I presume, or at least that's what my gut tells me.

Oh! Let's not forget it's death's whole ordeal of just shrugging my life off. Like going to a grocery store and buying a box of cereal and then just throw it in the trash. I mean I'm not full of sugary goodness and I'm not a saint either but come on now! Dying is a long and hard process apparently and I'm just theoretically left hanging mid-way from falling down. If death can take a vacation why the frickle doodle doo couldn't I ? I mean I don't think my life was that insignificant…

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Moving on, I can't possibly fathom wherever the frickle doodle doo I'm located at... in my sleep? As I've stated before, this whole conundrum is a **_great_** way to spend your time.

Tch a joke at my expense is what it should be called. I bet it have a whole trailer set up with captions like, "Sweet, sweet death and it's not so dead tag-along."

Speaking of death I think about how it misses me so. Calling to me like a newborn babe to its mother. Like a annoying ass fly that keeps disappearing but somehow makes it back into your room. I freaking hate those things. Pfft! I Should've been a newly freed soul released into the afterlife. Death must have its panties in a twist.

No really It really must do, I could've sworn it claimed me not too long ago. The memory is strangely vivid. I remember being enraptured in its disgustingly comforting clutches.

Like being put under an induced sleep.

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Or it might just be a hallucination.

A figment of my imagination.

A dead man's tormenter.

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Or just simple day dreams, I can't even tell for the most part.

An extraordinary feeling actually.

If I was pretty sure I might survive this I might have found this whole situation rather comical. Unfortunately, my mind pulls itself out of its drunken stupor. Now letting me become semi-aware of my surroundings. The ringing sounds that makes itself known to my twitching ears. While my body stiffens and contorts painfully, I could vaguely register the faint "pitter patter" sounds around me.

The tell tale sign of rain.

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The sound reverberates in my head. Bringing dull thunks of pain to linger evidently. The pitter patter is only leading to a continuous loop that ever so slowly increases... to my dismay.

The already dull melody is evoking new notes to only continue its hostile song. Giving me enough of a reason to want to claw the insides of my ears out.

Then again, my thinking process is already been shot down pretty badly, I could possibly be very mentally impaired right now...

I'm sorry that I keep talking about my state of being like clockwork but I am feeling very extreme emotions right now. Still the whole clawing my ears off idea might be a good stress reliever actually. It might bring back a much-needed silence. However, it also may bring back the eerie silence I've become accustomed to when I thought I was dead. I obviously can't be dead now with all this pain I'm feeling. Or else dying is a bunch of bull crap about being put to peace.

"Death huh"

The words come out raspy and fervent, my throat constricts painfully at the action.

Why did I have to move my mouth? I should've already figured that any type of words I would try to utter would barely escape my cracked and dry lips. I try to remove the dryness of them but they only suck up moisture like a freaking desert.

Greedy little things I swear.

My whole body seems to want to whine and cry out to me. However I've my never really been one to really listen. Yet I don't want to die in this frigid weather though. I attempt to curl whole body inwards to try to keep a sliver of warmth present. Only to grit my teeth in agony at the sounds that my body produced.

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 ** _'Malevolent'_**

There's not too much time to dwell on a certain pattern. No time to dwell on the pulsing ache in my head.

My body has already submitted.

My heart races while I unconsciously give energy to the now sinister notes flooding my ear drums. The sloshing of my dark feet against the mud between my toes. The crinkling of leaves under my achingly abused legs. The splatting sounds of my long black hair against my face. My soaked clothes slinking against my bronzed and bruised skin. Only increasing the tempo of this painful song. Never coordinating with each other, always bringing out the worst in others by trying to outdo the other. A screaming match...all now to add to my indescribable torture.

 ** _'Chaos'_**

I'm broken out of my almost stagnant reverie by my growling stomach. I could feel my brows furrow in anger and my jaw tensing. Both actions contribute to the surely scary like quality of my appearance. I could almost feel every nerve writhing in agony of my small movements. Yet no tears make themselves known, no golf ball sized lumps in my throat. No pitiful croaks escape my tensed jaw. Unnervingly so, I feel my heart begin an erratic tune in my body like a drum. My ephemeral numbness makes way for my screeching nerves crying out to me for my attention.

My growling stomach yet again steals my attention. Instead of caressing my stomach like it probably demands I do. I could already feel my fists clenching in anticipation. The tantalizing eagerness to absolutely beat the shit out of something right here and now.

However I only focus my attentions on my thunderous stomach.

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' ** _The traitor'_**

It's not like my whole body hasn't forsaken me, or maybe it was just old lady luck that did.

I was never one to really believe in luck. Luck seems to be such a fickle and unreliable thing. I believed in God and fate more than anything, but now at this point I need all the help I can get, even putting belief in unproven deities like the fates and luck and mother nature etc.

Whichever one I should place my faith in, I rather like to appease the wrongs I did to end up in this crappy situation.

Or possible punishment?

Maybe I'm was left to suffer solitude for 1,000 years? I should've been dead and unfeeling and not feeling like I got ran over by a truck repeatedly. I crane my neck to realize my front bangs almost completely hinder my eyesight while trying to look downwards.

Besides my obvious hunger, I concluded I don't really have any external injuries that I can see.

I could've sworn I was bleeding buckets full of it not too long ago. With this thought now I start to really take in my apparel.

I guess I'm wearing a dress like shirt?

Maybe just a dress?

The material is lacy and rather intricately designed. Off white in color but not disgustingly so, I think I'm the first person to wear the piece of clothing.

I frown, clothing like this should be loved and cared for, I feel oddly guilty for having this cloth adorned on me. Even taking in the beautiful crafted clothing it still seems strangely too pristine. So I'm guessing I wasn't out here for a strenuous amount of time. However, it was still too dirty to only be here for a short amount of time.

Maybe I was kidnapped?

Or I finally went bat shit crazy and lost that one screw that I thought I had? Okay I'm cursing too much again, I know I have better thinking process than that of a twelve-year-old who just found out what jacking off is and now is trying to be a little f-boy and get someone else to do it for them. I must be freaking delirious right now or better ye-

* _Gurgle*_

I was literally about to punch my stomach to stop growling. Which in retrospect wasn't exactly the best idea. Hell it could have been mid-way on a scale of stupid shit I've probably done. I probably could've killed myself attempting to take out my anger on the black hole labeled a stomach. I can only sigh in resentment. Forgetting about the horrible lament that played when I was first deemed ready for consciousness. Yet I couldn't tell the soft "pitter patter" now left its whispered notes imbedded in my scarred skin.

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* **៰** **。** **ઃ** **.°** **ᬔ** **֊ձ** **઼** **ճ֊** **ᬟ** **°.** **ઃ** **。** **៰** *****

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White

That was the first thing I saw when I regained consciousness.

Of course, when I first saw this I accompanied the color with being the passageway into the afterlife.

The clichéd beacon of light that finally gives me the opportunity to leave out my crappy situation. Kind of like a "fack you and your indecisiveness death." A sendoff where I would finally enter a warm environment hallucination free and humanely needs and junk gone. I was looking forward to chilling with some angels or just sitting in some sand somewhere. Harmonic sounds and all that jazz blaring in my eardrums to welcome me to paradise.

So imagine my surprise and expression when I found out the white light I was reaching for was soft and fluffy.

Not like pillow fluff, but the type of fluff that made out of angel's wings type softness.

I feel my eyebrows furrow, I'm seriously wondering if I'm going through another crazy spell because this junk should not be this soft. Still not really comprehending the consequences of my actions, I let my fingers continue on their path to grazing the silk like softness. I want to cuddle it and keep it trapped against me forever and for freaking ever. I'm a very selfish and greedy person, if you can tell.

I was planning to run my fingers thoroughly threw the angel like softness, but after I briefly let my fingers slide into the fluff (I deeming it fluff I cannot deem it anything else it's too awesome for that). I was reacquainted with the ground face first.

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I swear people want me to get a little frisky with dirt particles.

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It might be a better option than dealing with my shitty luck right now.

Call me Mrs. Dirty because my thoughts and actions aren't going to be clean. I already feel my body filling to the brim with atrocious and vulgar thoughts that should put me in prison. I don't care about making sailor's blush I just want some form of comfort other than pain and aching muscles. If I must resort to cursing someone out like a sailor I will. I'm a lady but right now life (still debatable) if bringing out my inner heathen, the one that doesn't care about hygiene, feelings, and more or less morals-

"You're weird"

I shift my body to the undoubtedly young and very male voice. The voice is so low and soft, but not at all shy… it sounds like someone is speaking out of boredom. Taking this piece of information in I shift my whole body ( That whole action just probably just took two years of my life ) in the voice's direction.

However my poor fangirl heart was **_severely_** unprepared for the sight that assaulted me.

My heart stutters to beat, while my brain is slowly bringing itself to attention. Ultimately leaving me in all my gaping and confounded glory. With my lungs operating at a very erratic pace, I feel my whole body heat up. Especially in my cheeks. Sighing, I remembered why I'm so glad that my skin is dark enough where you can't see me blush.

I'm already thinking about the crappy situations being around my finder ? Will do to my poor little heart. I can already feel myself dying a little bit on the inside. I summoned all the will in my body to not externally fangirl and not put myself into a coma. Imaging the pain associated with that little stunt helps me calm down… somewhat.

Standing barely a foot away from my bruised body is Killua Zoldyck. Wearing a black shirt and some maroon basketball shorts. I didn't bother to see if he had shoes on because I really couldn't get over the awesomeness of his face. His oddly curious face.

His body was, even at his young age ready to attack me if need be. I could tell by his somewhat stiff posture.

He must be really young if I can read his body language.

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Too young to be screwed over by Illumi...

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I'm broken from my thoughts by the prickling sensation building up in my abdomen. I return my attention to his face to find his gaze a tad bit more sharp, and a tad bit more suspicious.

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' ** _I would like to say that a gaze by a 7 year old looking boy didn't scare me.'_**

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' ** _I will continue to believe so.'_**

" Are you stupid ?"

I blink at that response. Was I stupid? For trying to touch his silky tresses? To try to so much as fathom touching any part of something unknown? Or just even thinking I would possibly touch his hair? Extremely so with my last courses of actions. However he didn't need to know that.

"Am I'm bleeding ?"

Killua seemed to be generally surprised by my abrupt change in topic. At least I know he won't back hand me for ignoring his original question. No hostility can be seen from him, well… as much as I can sense from a pretty well seasoned assassin. Even though he could probably snap my neck faster than I could blink, he's still a kid. Even when he was twelve he wasn't the type to randomly attack a person.

His eyes narrow, probably assessing me." No "

It's a good thing he's young, and that makes his gaze adorably deadly and cute. If he was like 14 and older his gaze would be deadly and hot.

" You look creepy. "

I don't know what I might do when that time comes. Probably die trying to tackle him-

"You look perverted."

I blink. " The only reason I look like a pervert to you is because I thought that white fluffiness you call hair was the passageway to the afterlife."

He gave me a blank look. " You're weird"

"You have no idea"

He cracked a small smirk. " You are really weird though. I didn't sense your presence at all from behind me."

Probably because I have no nen in my body whatsoever. In fact, I might even be considered dead to some nen users if I passed by one. I should probably be thankful that Illumi wasn't the first one to find me.

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God what would happen if Illumi was the one to find me in such a position?

" Your face looks kind of pale."

I could only shudder in agreement, contemplating my demise by his older brother can be put off for another day.

" What's your name ?"

He pauses seeming to digest my question and or motive for it. He licked his lips, it must be his tell that he's thinking about something.

"Why would I tell you my name when you clearly recognize me?"

Of course, I obviously recognized him, I mean who wouldn't with his striking features? The fact that he noticed such a look and or reading from me is a little off putting but not surprising. It could be very problematic or me later if I was to be questioned. Or tortured whatever the Zoldyck's definition of that is.

I felt heat flooding my cheeks. "I'm just trying to make conversation without seeming even more mysterious…"

Or weird.

His hair flutters in wisps around his eyes as the wind picks up…

He really is much too innocent to be sucked up into his future.

"Killua Zoldyck" I nod my head in confirmation. Trailing my eyes over his entire figure. Assessing him, and processing him as all of a sudden, he become much more real.

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Much too real with his piercing eyes and small frame.

"How old are you?"

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Nobody ever told me how he used to emulate such a child like aura.

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"7 years old"

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How his demeanor inspired you to protect and become a better person.

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"Do I make you laugh?"

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Nobody warned me about how igneous his blue orbs were.

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He stared at me, at first perplexed but humored nonetheless. His eyes were too colorful.

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"Your rude baba-san."

 _And way too vibrant._

I take a second to actually pay attention to what he said. From the numerous amount of amines I've watched and manga I've read I perfectly understood what he said.

 _A cocky little shit isn't he?_

I was humored nonetheless and only giggled and nodded in agreement.

Killua looked agitated that I wasn't annoyed by his _wonderful_ nickname. He didn't laugh or crack a smirk. He looked exasperated but curious.

It was a look that made my heart swell and laughter fall from my cracked and drying lips. He only turned his head and sighed. He didn't walk away though, and that was enough for me. I would soak in little moments like these. Where he airs such a energy of a child, of an unburdened heart.

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Because nobody told me how undeniably heart wrenchingly painful it would be to see that innocence taken away from another.

* **៰** **。** **ઃ** **.°** **ᬔ** **֊ձ** **઼** **ճ֊** **ᬟ** **°.** **ઃ** **。** **៰** ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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 **Ahh my heart feels. I would've put the horizontal dividers with my line breaks but I totally forgot how to do it. If anyone could tell me how to it would greatly be appreciated. Review and favorite let me know if I should continue this story or not.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

 **Okay the first chapter was okay in my opinion.**

 **From now on the chapters will undoubtedly be longer with more content. This is a humorous story with slight dark themes.**

 **SO BE WARNED** **!  
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 **Since I haven't written a story on here in the longest time ever, I forgot how the indentation and spaces and special character are being removed from the story. So please bear with me until I get a better grasp on how I will space the story out so there will be a better reading flow.**

 **I'm so glad that I rechecked the chapter to see what happened to all my spacing and indents, and etc. I was really, really, reallllllyyyy mad when I saw that all my hard work to create a generally okay to good reading flow was removed. So I apologize now if paragraphs are too clustered together. Or the text is too hard to read without repeatedly stopping to check back for your spot that you have left off on.**

 **The first chapter was relatively short, just trying out how I want to progress with this story if I wanted to even continue at all.**

 **I'm an amatuer writer at best so please forgive me for anything that bothers your reading flow. I would also like to change anything that is a bit irksome to read… so if you could please review.**

* **DISCLAIMER** *****

' _ **Thoughts'**_

"Speaking"

 ******* Indicates flashbacks in there are any

 _ **Enjoy**_

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 _ **Y'all should totally listen to the song Meet in the Middle by Ta-ku while reading this chapter...**_

 _o_ ៙…઼ஃ઼઼઼ ઼ஃ ઼…៙ _o_

 _._ _ **⠀ These are my words**_

 _ **. This is my voice**_

 _ **. That is my sermon**_

 _ **. Give me your heart**_

 _ **. Give me your pain**_

 _ **. Give me your burden**_

 _ **-James Arthur Sermon**_

 _o_ ៙…઼ஃ઼઼઼ ઼ஃ ઼…៙ _o_

 _To talk without thinking is to aim without shooting -Proverb  
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 **Chapter 2: Lip Fumbles**

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Nothing

It was what I was assaulted with when I subtly tried to take a " _sniff_ " of good ol' Killua Zolydyck.

I wasn't shell shocked. Or flabbergasted, or any other big word that shows extreme emotion of being shocked. No I was just disappointed… severely.

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' _Killua smells like he isn't even here. No aroma what so ever wafts my way.'_

Don't get me wrong, I rather appreciate not smelling sweat and dirt, or that wet dog smell from washing your hair and not drying it. Or sweaty butt cheeks that let a fart out in a crowd of people and you just so suddenly get gassed out with about twenty other people. Or a smell so pungent that if you even slightly inhale the surrounding air you'll be able to taste the butt crumbs that probably been put into the air by said fart.

Erm...

Anyways...Intangible that was what he was. He was an enigma, which left me with a plethora of questions. Thinking about it too much will only be leaving me to choke down my quickening thoughts. He was unreachable and just a passing thought.

He only seems even much more surreal.

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" Baba-san "

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It seems I've become way too keen on observing him...

" Yes Killua "

I didn't receive a response.

 _o_ ៙…઼ஃ઼઼઼ ઼ஃ ઼…៙ _o_

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A week has passed since our first encounter.

A week of many firsts for me.

I spent the first three days to myself with no sign of any life coming back to visit me. Insects would crawl back to their families. While little birds only soared higher and higher past my wondering eyes. I would find myself seeking the sounds of their little wings beating against the wind. More out of habit than out of curiosity.

This eventually lead me to listening to the crisp winds that were flowing to and fro leaving abrupt and displaced hums in the trees.

After Killua decided to disappear from my presence, I was able to properly observe and properly assess my surroundings. It was currently summer, with no sign of flowers growing anymore near the area. The colors that were flashing and dancing in my vision previously was all a hallucination.

I was glad that the horrible ringing that was echoing in my ears came to an end.

I preferred it this way actually. No not just the ending of my horrible torment, but being left to just be.

If Killua was around twenty four-seven I wouldn't even be able to begin to arouse any thought of focusing. I would go all cross eyed just to see him sit down and enjoy the breeze. I would worry too much about trying to keep his innocence intact a little longer. While keeping his eyes a little more wild, and a little more watching.

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I was mesmerized by what I saw in him.

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It was rather alarming realization.

I was left in a rather eerie silence when the harshness and brutality of these words struck me raw. I felt mentally mind fricked and naked.

Focus...Focus..Focus…

I repeated this mantra in my head for what felt like the nth time today.

' _ **And focusing is what I did**_ '

I was currently sitting on a grassy and sandy area of the forest. I was looking at the vast expanse of the sky. The blues splayed out in fractures of different shades.

It felt rather tranquil.

I let my fingers seap into the ground.

The cold earth underneath me.

The ground was coarse but not particularly rocky. After breaching the first inch of soot my fingers were firmly implanted into the ground. It was soft and breakable, and I felt so much more connected to this world.

This titillating and dismal world.

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The ground is relatively flat, but it didn't leave me with much coverage.

I found this out the hard way.

On the second day it started to pour down raining. At the time, I was sitting in the exact same spot that I'm now well acquainted with. I was staring out into space when all of a sudden I felt little droplets of water drip past my hair and into my eyes. At first It was slow, the rainfall came and gifted the ground with a few droplets. The rainfall was in a notably fitted pattern,but only proceeded to fall down more rapidly. The water that drizzled onto my face felt glued to my eyelashes no matter how many times I blinked. Although I was only left visually impaired, my mind was numb. I didn't shiver even when my body was practically being pelted by quarter sized rain droplets.

It felt too pleasant. I felt cleansed and righteous.

I couldn't cry from my happiness when the rain was already doing it for me. I was left to breathe and absorb nature's treatment.

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I could only comply.

 _o_ ៙…઼ஃ઼઼઼ ઼ஃ ઼…៙ _o_

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.It was a nice little spot to picnic though. It was the perfect place to have the sun kiss your skin like a reckless pet dog.

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Yeah a dog, we all secretly love their slobber tackles...slightly but love it nonetheless.

The sun felt a little overwhelming at first. I wasn't really ready for the warmth that assaulted my senses that morning

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 _I was previously already getting used to the clouds covering its beautiful rays for the past three days._

 _It was freaking hilarious how I actually kind of thought I was suppose to be burned alive at the first sliver of light to even rest upon my body. That pretty soon I was going to be saying 'sayonara' with my skin being set ablaze. The flaming of the coolest colors of fire, orange and red would make itself known around my discarded body. Only to leave ashen kisses made of ash into the air._

 _When I really think about it, I would have made a dazzling bonfire if I say so myself._

 _I could whole heartedly say that this rather idiotic way of thinking was brought on from my incident a couple days ago. With my whole 'being dead' mental breakdown that I wished happened a very, very long time ago. Then again it already felt like a distant memory from being in drunken like state._

 _The place where I first regained consciousness was now my new home. I was about a five minute walk from my current home and or camp site._

 _Well if you can call it that.  
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 _The place now turned into a little hobby hole of fruit and a semi efficient living quarters. I was left to my own to survive more or less. I was also left alone to brood and critically analyze my current environment with any possible predators. Its surprising how much your left to think about when you have some time to breathe. I actually realized how much I was longing for a intense thinking session._

 _I stayed relatively close to the area where I was previously found._

 _The place gave me a rather misplaced sense of comfort. Well in my opinion it was the craziest shinizzle I realized about myself that day. Oh I also found a water source close by. There was a river only two miles east from where I was. I at first was somewhat puzzled and wary of the seemingly harmless water source. But then I was hit with a very heavy and_ _ **musky**_ _smell coming from several very uncomfortable places. I then decided whatever ever happens, happens. I then proceeded to spend a good two hours swimming and cleaning myself to the best of my abilities. Estimation wise anyways I don't exactly have a clock._

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 _Just because this technically is a fictional world ( STILL FREAKING DEBATABLE ) doesn't mean a bag of health products will poof out of nowhere._

 _*Sigh*_

 _Over the course of the next two days, I spent them scavenging for food. After I practically caked my clothing in mud ( at least I hope to be only mud ) , I was able to gather about two baskets full of berries, assorted nuts, and things I hope to say are food._

 _When I say hope, I mean more along the lines of 'it look decent enough not to kill me if I ingest it.'_

 _Yeah I got over the whole needing to die thing. This life so far has been pretty decent._

 _I mean I got to meet one of my favorite all time characters. Who else can say that ?_

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Suck my non-existent lady balls reality.

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I was currently sitting down by said river that I bathed in a couple days ago. With the gentle breeze and the lazy rays of sunshine brushing against my body, I couldn't help myself from being somewhat lulled asleep. Maybe it was time to go back to my makeshift bed. Or then again maybe not.

My bedding was just a bunch of shrubbery placed together into a nest looking thing.

I wasn't really one for crafts.

Like at all.

It was somewhat odd at first, to find myself so engrossed in work. I would find myself picking berries until nightfall. Or walking around aimlessly until dusk. A relentless but soothing cycle. During these times, it made the past two days pass by in a blur. I couldn't really recall exactly what I was doing during these times of work or scavenging.

I would black out.

I got lost among the lines of greens and browns and the wide expanses of land that carry them. But when I would look at the lands with such inquiring eyes, I ran and I giggled and overall all I was pleasantly surprised.

I would think that some type of creature would come bumbling along.

Fortunately a creature didn't come bumbling along

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Killua did

It would be wrong to say that he was bumbling along, oh _how wrong indeed it would be to say that._

It would be an insult to his 'elegance.'

He swaggered or _no_ he sashayed, if that's even possible for a seven year old to do, but hey in this case I'm pretty sure it was. It was elaborate and simplistic the way his feet would touch the ground beneath him.

Even with all that gracefulness and poise he naturally carries. He seemed almost sluggish in mood.

He was a walking contradiction.

He was fluent in his movements. Flowing and aesthetically pleasing, but his eyes seemed dull and his silent steps left harsh imprints on the now abused soil.

I was now currently by the river I found a few days ago. The streams where calm and stilled. No ripples clashed and merged together. There was no sound to distract me from Killua's presence. Even then Killua's purposely made his footsteps loud, probably not to startle me.

Although the sound of his feet reverberates off the forest walls….

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I can't help but feel unsettled.

You can even ask my raw and mistreated lip.

I could already taste the coppery flavor in the recess of my mouth.

The trees surrounding us were elk trees from what I can recall. There was more space to roam in this area of the trees before going out into the pine forested parts.

I bet with all the greenery and camouflage going on, Killua wouldn't need to worry about someone swooping down and killing him from nowhere. Even if we were on a plain field he could disappear in an instant and rip out your heart in two seconds…

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Tops, no exaggeration what so ever.

He walked towards me at a more leisurely pace when he seemed to acknowledge my presence. He stood about a foot away from me before stopping.

I didn't bother to meet his gaze at first when I first began to speak.

"Hey Killua"

He didn't say anything at first, there was an undeniable feeling that his gaze was relentlessly probing my form. I glance up briefly to confirm my suspicions. This small action sadly doesn't go unnoticed by his hyper aware self. His gaze only sharpens in retaliation which sent prickles of apprehension to consume my being. I could feel the muscles in my body clench in anticipation and overall wariness.

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A bead of unwanted sweat slides down my back. Slick and sputtering like my thinking process. From my peripheral vision I saw he was donning a crisp white t-shirt today with some slightly wrinkled black khaki shorts. The reached past his knees, while his shirt sleeves reached a bit past his elbows. They looked slightly too big for his small frame. He looked cute and cleaned, but worn out non the less.

It probably having to do with his unmentioned training...

A pregnant silence ensued for a undecipherable amount of time.

 _Breathe in, Breathe out, swallow, gulp, sigh..._

"Killua…"

I repeat his name in a small attempt at avoiding direct eye contact with him.

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But I caved.

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He obviously wouldn't be the first one to give in.

I heaved another sigh, the action only what I believe to be helping me find resolve, and... at least a little bit of self control. I turned my head my head in his direction. The action almost left me with whiplash.

It was rather funny that I could actually hear the sound of my hair whipping dramatically against the wind. The classic whoosh sound thunking against my ear drums brought a whole new feeling to envelop me.

The feeling wasn't intended.

the feeling I was trying to achieve was among the lines of being serious and or frigid. Indifferent to anything around me. But… it was a little bit too sunny out for such an action to bring a somber effect, or an air of seriousness.

It actually allowed a smile to almost magically make an appearance on my face.

He blinked seemingly taken back. "What are you doing?" Huh, it almost sounded like a complaint.

 _But what was I doing?_

Oh I was just sitting down to make myself more comfortable on the grass. Besides if I'm going to suffer under his scrutiny I might as well be comfortable.

After taking a good minute to settle myself down on " Relishing in the air that surrounds me."

When I finally made direct eye contact I saw something flash in his eyes. Something that glints all to knowingly.

His lips quirked up in one corner. " It seems like something a old hag would do."

' _ **His eyes seemed almost cat like.**_ '

"Well it seems like it's something _way to mature_ for you to even understand or do" I added a hair flip for that critical annoying effect. Throwing him a smug look from my seated position I stuck out my tongue. Childish I know but it was a chance I couldn't pass up. He was too cute to not tease.

Oh, What an opportunity it was ! I could practically feel his annoyance at me radiating off of him in palpable waves.

It was almost startling to hear him plop down about half a foot away from me. "Your strange."

There was definitely more of a blunt and sharp edge to his normally boyish voice today,

I laugh. "How so?"

He shoots a quick glance in my direction. "My guard dog Mike didn't sense you."

I didn't react or question his statement. It was true and I didn't know how to deny it.

" Oh? The almighty Killua Zoldyck and his guard dog couldn't sense little ol' me?" Pft ! _"_ _ **And his guard dog"**_ Mike if we ever meet can you let me be your Ike to box full of life? I can be your that human friend who couldn't crush you to your candy brothers Mike and Ike.

I rather be buddy-buddy than snacky-eaty-mauly-bloody if I can.

I was broken out of my thoughts by a quicked tongued Killua. He didn't even pause to think of a response. He replied in a heartbeat.

" Probably because your power level is more insignificant than an ant."

' _ **It admittedly probably was.'**_

His grin that slowly started to make itself known, was unremorseful and all the more taunting.

I scowled at him. " Well at least my last name doesn't sound like a sex position."

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Thinking back to about point five seconds ago, I was probably infecting whatever little innocence he had left.

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Whatever.

He'll get over this little tid bit of information, it's not like I'm messing with his psyche.

 _ ***HACK,COUGH,WHEEZE* Illumi*COUGH***_

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I kid, I kid.

 _ **However**_ he should be exposed to this kind of teasing sooner or later.

Tuning back into reality I realized something. There was a faint touch of pink splashed onto Killua's cheeks. But it receded as fast as it came.

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"So ? I can snap your neck faster than you can blink."

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. His smirk was still set firmly in its place.

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Only now it looked fractured. And only now it was misplaced

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. and even worse fucked up.

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It was broken, and it was got damn ugly and misshapen on his face.

HIs eyes still in its default position glinted with promise. Oh it was so much promise and _so much_ maliciousness.

The glinting that I saw before in his blue depths that were easily concealed now showed intent and if anything restriction.

' _ **Menacing.'**_

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 **The restriction was on his killing intent**.

It was straining, his aura was foul and even more jagged as the seconds ticked. Hasty to snap and extinguish its source of annoyance. It was freaking sinister and enraged, it is so fucking _horrible,_ yet it so fucking radiant it made me want to cry.

I laughed at the absurdity of it all.

I laughed so hard that I ended up falling on the ground.

I laughed so hard that I forgot about the sheer amount of danger that I'm currently in from being so close to Killua.

I only was bringing myself closer to his form.

Closer to my possible killer.

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I'm a sucker for pain I bet.

My stomach was clenching painfully at this point. Tear streaks were running down my face from my laughing fit.

Something must have been wrong with me.

It still didn't appear to be any less funny in my eyes.

After regaining some sense of sanity and some feeling back into my abdomen, pushed myself over to face Killua.

He was still seated by me, eyebrows furrowed but poorly concealing snickers.

I looked up at the sky to see it was already sunset. The colors were painted across the sky in reds and pinks. The splashes of oranges streak drastically against the pinks vivid lights.

"You look like a sneezing ogre when you laugh." He was now letting gull blown laughs fall from his form. He was damn near being hysterical with the way his body convulsed.

I bet I did look like a ogre, as insulting as that was I couldn't find myself caring.

"And you are way less intimidating when you laugh."

His laughter eased into snickers which lead into being engulfed in a comfortable silence.

He smiled at me. "Your're really funny for a old hag."

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I smiled back right at him, teeth and all.

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"I know"

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 _o_ ៙…઼ஃ઼઼઼ ઼ஃ ઼…៙ _o_

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 **AUTHOR'S NOTES** **: Ahh this chapter was wayyyy shorter than I intended it to be, so I apologize but I realized I haven't updated in about a month and I need to at least show I'm still going to be writing for this story. So until next time adios, and I hope you like it.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHOR'S NOTES** :

 **Hello again, people who care and continue to read this story I thank ya.**

 **So it's been a few months since I last updated this story so I would like to say I am not dead and I sincerely wish anyone who even cares about this story good vibes and the such like it. So read and enjoy~.**

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 _ **Chapter 3: Temperament.**_

' _ **So I like to see….the stars as the way they should be….**_

' _ **You say I like to dream…dream of things that beseech me...**_

' _ **This dreamer says she would like to see...**_

' _ **The things you hide from me…**_

' _ **You laugh and you shrug… playing off what I say with laughs and talks...**_

' _ **But I know there is no such thing as us…**_

 _o_ _៙…઼ஃ઼઼઼ ઼ஃ ઼…៙_ _o_

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It was rather windy today. The wind left wisps of my hair to lightly billow back and forth around my frame. Cool and crisp but lacking the usual bite winter has yet to bring forth. Yet the small subtle shifts in the air, and in the environment screamed at my senses.

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The wind carried many fleeting thoughts of the wind away with it's tempered carresess. A depthless sense of time has been seeming to slowly dissipate as the days go by. Passing in an undeniable pattern that seems to be forgotten in favor of what these days bring.

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The leaves dance in their branches a mumbled tune of tranquility. Green in color yet I could see a few tell tale signs of fall seeping through the leaves in yellows and oranges. The colors merge and almost deflect eachothers appearance in the way the leaves forms are spotted with such variety.

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The colors complimented the landscape greatly, aesthetically pleasing to the eyes. The pine trees that would also be littered around the area seem to come to life with the added colors sprinkling around their roots.

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The ground underneath me, not to long ago seemed barren to any life besides the surrounding trees seem to flourish with pastel colored life.

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The aromas wafting of the petals were definitely pundgant in the air but not necessarily unwanted. The smell was welcomed along with the appearance of a white head of hair loudly and purposely drawing my attention towards it.

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My eyebrows furrow at the thought. My dark orbs move languidly without the aid of turning my head to take in my surroundings. A precautionary habit that I picked up from my extended stay in a certain whitehead's presence.

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Said whitehead was running a little late today. The sun was at a high position in the cerulean sky already, far past its usual low position after dawn. Killua always unknowingly came to seek my form out in the earliest cracks of dawn where sleep evades my body in anticipation of his incoming footsteps

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Exhaustion seems to take weight in my conscious at the thought. Yet I'm resilient to what notions my body seems to have or my agenda. Begrudgingly I couldn't ignore other whispered thoughts and ideas that well up uneasily in my gut. My stomach churns at the unease and trepidation that touches my form and makes my muscle tense. I was puzzled and frustratingly perplexed at the feeling that was slowly consuming my being like a disease.

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Feeling my brows furrow almost painfully at my more morbid thoughts my face becomes lax.

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Killua would more than likely frown to seeing my face so taut.

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A small sigh escapes my dry lips thinking about the little spit fire. A smile creases my mouth in a pleasant way. You know… on another note Killua reminds me of strawberries.

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It's a rather odd comparison I know, but it seems befitting of him. Endearing I would describe it to be, but it's not so popular with the little tart in question.

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Anytime I would imply anything among the lines of that last statement towards Killua, his lips would press together in a hard line, and his eyes would narrow in an annoyed manner. His features were so childish...

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Which was rather adorable on his small baby like cheeks. His cheeks would become peppered with small traces of red that would splash his skin abruptly. Making a striking contrast to his pale features that was all the more cute. Killua would then proceed to tell me how much of an old Baba I am, with a not so concealed pout on his face.

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He's sweet in ways that he has yet to understand himself, but a little tart in his personality.

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It's charming enough though. The thought brought a rather pleased smile turning the corners of my lips. Leaving a bittersweet after taste on my heavy conscious.

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A month has passed by since our first encounter. I still was adorning the dress that I was found in on my first day of consciousness. My hair I noted was extremely dark, void of life and luster. There was a bit of volume to it, but otherwise it lacked shine, it lacked life, concealing a face that should've been in the same state.

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The blackest black, and or like a black hole, a void I would consider it to be.

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I would sometimes wake up and wonder if my life finally gave out to natural causes like it should have, only to find my vision refocusing to strands of hair falling from my face.

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The days seem to come and go, only being dependant on the state of my interaction with Killua.

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A unmentioned cycle of repetition has formed with hidden bonds forming. I really on the cycle to continue fluently without a hitch or hint of discrepancy to make itself known.

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I've noticed Killua's visits have slowly so very slowly, in almost insignificant amounts have been changing. Change that I still have yet to truly observe and evaluate.

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My feet slightly ache in protest while I force them to support my now standing weight. I've seem to be lacking quite a bit of it as of late. My eyes sweep the area once more in a calculating manner.

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Killua's not coming today.

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My feet barely left audible steps on the ground as my form retreated from the area.

 _o_ _៙…઼ஃ઼઼઼ ઼ஃ ઼…៙_ _o_

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 _Thump...Thump….Thump…_

My eyes instantly screw open moving in every direction to find the source of the noise. Darkness incases my vision like a cloud, with only a few slivers of light seeping from its vast expanse. Night was already drawn into the area leaving no room for any sunlight to streak down within this hour. Sleep that was once comforting my aching muscles now drizzles away into a fit of nothingness.

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The cavern I was residing in was surprisingly humid, despite the tell tale sign of rain not being apparent anywhere. It was muggy and I found myself sweating profusely.

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My body sits up abruptly, so quickly that my head starts to spin from the force of it. Little dots of black dance in the line of my vision at the action.

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The thumping sound seemed to stop, holding its breath while the crickets play their short songs in the dead of night. The force of its vibrations leaves the land slightly shaking in tremors, the tall oaks of the area slightly shake in it's wake. The eerie snippets of the crickets sound seem to scream at the darkness encasing the area. I felt a tick form in my jaw, I wasn't the type of person to relax knowing I heard something, unknown I may add in a whole new world of confusion.

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I move quietly and quickly to the opening of the cavern, hoping that I don't make a sound to alert my location out to the world. My clothing was now sticking to my form like a second skin slick with perspiration that clings to me uncomfortably. I'm hunched almost like a predator stalking up to foreseen prey. My hands were outstretched and open being placed on the jagged walls and on the rocky soil. My feet slightly burned with the pressure I was putting on them to be feather light and quick. Pain slightly prickled the heels of my feet from the small rocks that peppered the floor in irregular patterns.

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I move again, and again and again. Until the opening of the cavern reminds me of the small size I am, and how gigantic it really is up close. My eyes hesitantly look forward, wary of what they'll find.

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I see how the stars glint beautifully lighting up the now cobalt sky similar to glinting gems. The darkness I was first seeing only enshrouded the area of the cave in a creepy manner. A loud sigh leaves my still tense body. Shaky but relaxing all the same, comfort clutching at my mental in desperate attempts.

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The force of the sound almost makes me stumble. A soft gasp left my mouth, as my heart very dramatically missed a few vital beats. My pulse slows, but still beats a known pattern of adrenaline and curiosity. I look down at the beaten dirt path leading out in front of me.

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" I really should've just went back to sleep." I say quietly the words falling upon deaf ears of the uncaring.

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With a very heavy and reprimanding conscious my feet made quick work of the path in front of me, leaving the cavern to shrink away into the distance behind me.

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 _o_ _៙…઼ஃ઼઼઼ ઼ஃ ઼…៙_ _o_

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My breath comes out in heavy pants. My legs burn in warning, crying to make them stop this brutal pace I've set on my body. A sardonic smirk graces my face, not quite matching the determined glint burning my gaze.

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' _ **Oh didn't they know I was never really one to listen.'**_

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My hair billowed around my form in inky wisps, fast like my building and rushing adrenaline. Trees passed my line of vision in a blur of greens unimportant and morphing with it's surrounding brethren.

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I turn my head forward only for my body to constrict painfully halting all movements. Cold un-repressed fear burns my body, drenching it in its cold confines. The way I fall and collide with the hard earth in front of me happens in slow motion. My dark orbs widen and catch the white of a angered enshrouded form acting like an _animal._

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My head screams at me knowingly,

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 _ **his, nen,**_

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 _The ground crumbling to insignificant specks of dust._

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 _ **His nen,**_

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 _Explosive, damning and explosive._

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 _ **His nen,**_

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 _ **`HIS NEN,**_

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 _ **` HIS NEN, HIS NEN, HIS NEN,**_

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 _ **HIS NEN,HIS NEN,HIS NEN,HIS NEN,HIS NEN,HIS NEN,HIS NEN…-**_

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My body finally collides with the earth, painfully breaking me out of whatever spell had befallen upon me. I was allowed a brief second to blink, a brief second to _**breathe.**_ Time returned to it's normal speed, only now I was trapped and pressed to ground by the angry force of aura consuming the area. Cuts and small lacerations start appearing on my arms and legs in thin little slits, slowly opening letting my life's essence trickle from the opening.

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My face was stuck facing to the side, having a clear view of the beast that overtook the little tart, who probably didn't recognize his own name. Killua's body was hunched over, his aura pulsating around his form making his image seem like an illusion. He was bloodied, clothes dirty, and legs slightly trembling from the force of his anger, of his temper meant, from just his being that's been conformed to this dark thing that has now consumed him whole.

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His head snapped up, gaze drawing upon an animal, a beautiful gazelle who made the mistake of even moving in his presence. His eyes lost their childlike shine, replaced with a deadness of a cold fish. A solid color almost black and void like. A gaze I wished would only ever be seen on my own features.

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Quick as a bullet, he rapidly approached the gazelle who tried in vain to dodge his wrath. His mouth formed to an enraged snarl while his sharp claw like hands sunk into the flesh of the screaming gazelle. The crimson that was now splattering the grass, the trees, his clothes, _**his skin**_ , didn't faze nor did it deter his ugly mood, nor the momentum of his hands.

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His poisonous aura focused on the source of his growing blood lust, now lifting off my frozen form. I move bumbling like a fool to his location, my mind in a whirlwind of processes trying to figure something to make his ruthless actions stop. My body turning away from all other emotions that might cloud my judgement.

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He quickly drops the carcass of the now mauled gazelle bored quickly finding more interest in his surroundings. Moving to destroy the trees surrounding him. His assault moving to its own fluid beat, violence left in the area was evident and even more mind-blowing. Destruction will forever remained marked now in this permanently changed landscape.

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His claw like nails were tearing into the bark of a tree, slash, slash, slash, the giant oak would fall shortly before he moved onto his next victim. My hands clammy and slick with sweat finally were able to at least try to grasp onto his shirt. The thought was fleeting when I was abruptly shoved against the trunk of the tree. The severed bark dug into my back painfully, and harshly, so much so that I felt a certain stickiness drip against my bruised back.

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Voids of darkness clashed with my shocked darkly colored orbs with venom. His hair was sweaty matted with dirt and blood sticking to his white locks like leeches. His face was robbed of emotion, ensnaring me in his pitiless vision. His hand razor sharp was clutched around my neck in a fatal embrace. He was breathing hard through his nostrils that were slightly, ever so slightly flared like a raging bull. Wisps of his hair and my own inky tresses start to whip around our faces in a frantic manner as his aura became even more bloodcurdling.

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My mouth turned into a grimace as his hand started to suck away life's sweet air.

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My hand twitched in protest, his eyes quickly snapped down at the movement, his hand quickly shooting towards my arm shredding off a layer of skin. My bloodied crimson now meshing with the fabric of his shirt in a morbid pattern. His eyes narrow threateningly at the blood spot that disappeared with the other stains in his clothing. His head lowered closer towards mine, gaze searching, for what I couldn't know because my vision was becoming that all too familiar color of black that I've receded into.

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My head slammed against his own, creating an opening, and opening of hope, and life and for fuck sakes a way to stop this madness. He stumbled back briefly taken aback by the action, seconds ticking before he would surely end my existence.

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A small smile grazed my bloodied lips.

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' _I wouldn't give him the chance'_

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With an alarming amount of strength, my all and my power coursed together in my veins grabbing his form with my aching body and crushing it towards mine. TIme stopped as we fell forwards in slow motion. HIs aura ceasing to exist in my vision as I could see the shine of a trapped child resurface in his ingenious orbs. I twisted our bodies at the last second so he could lay on top of me comfortably.

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His eyes were shaking with raw emotion, unrestrained and sad _so fucking sad and scared_. His mouth agape barely withholding the cries that he wants to scream into the black sky. To the void that holds him with a false sense of comfort. I shake at the thought that he would rely on my being so much to this point, a thing not meant to exist in this world.

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I smiled a small smile prettily at him trying to hold onto my last few legs of consciousness. Slowly like a mother caressing her child I touched and played with his dirty locks. I sure as hell surprised him when I leaned forward to place a small comforting kiss to his forehead slowly, not to trigger any other pent up frustration within him.

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The way he was looking at my eyes, so adoringly made my stomach churn with unease and guilt. So much fucking guilt for his life and his pain that I couldn't do shit about. I tried to alleviate his worry with another reassuring smile when his now blue orbs watered and broke like waterfalls. His arms stretching around my small neck tightly while his form convulsed on my body.

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His anguished cries were the last thing I heard, before the silence returned to the now calm forest. My eyes fluttered shut as I felt the first drop of rain I felt in days.

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 _o_ _៙…઼ஃ઼઼઼ ઼ஃ ઼…៙_ _o_

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	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hola people ! I was surprised someone actually went to read my chapter** **update. Not many did but it was nice seeing that people are still kind of interested. I would really like some feedback if anything seems to OOC. Or if the story doesn't flow correctly with each chapter. It would be greatly appreciated if you guys do. I wasn't really sure where to go** **from the cliff hanger/ progression ? scene that left me even kind of baffled at what I should do. There is so much to take off of Killua's break down, and now his mental stability, and how his childhood has been messed up from his family's career. In the show although Killua's family was involved and layered into the show, his childhood was revealed to be dark but not really put into details.**

 **No Killua will not just all of a sudden be explained to about the power of nen, and become a nen master. His rage, anger, shock, and cries to the unknown skies, I could very possibly seeing this happen in the real cannon, if his training was more focused on before he escaped. Right now in the story he's currently seven years old ; taking on the mentality or at least training to be an** **assassin. That pressure is unthinkable. I don't want to give off a view that Killua is weak, because he is strong. Still Killua is human, even if he has lost the a little bit of the meaning behind that world as he grows up ; he was still a kid once . A kid that had every right to have a normal, and happy childhood, but he didn't. This story focuses on the little things that makes us all emotional, brave and even more human. This shows trials, of life and the hand you were dealt with.**

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"Talking"

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Enjoy ~

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 ** _Chapter 4: I wonder_**

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 _I just want to say..._

 _I feel opened to newer days..._

 _I will breathe with this feeling of the unexplained..._

 _I will forever and always..._

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 _-anonymous_

 _o_ ៙ _..._ ઼ஃ઼઼઼ ஃ _..._ ៙ _o_ ゜

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I woke up to the smell of soft linen, and the feeling of fatigue dragging down my heavy eyelids. I smelled many aromas from lavender to cinnamon, but the smell that spoke almost verbally to me the most was vanilla. It drenched the silk beneath my fingertips in a comforting embrace. It's scent made me feel nostalgic and I felt comforted by it's tangible presence. The smell wafted over my whole being bringing a overwhelming sense of exhaustion that threatened to bring me back to unconsciousness. The feeling however couldn't keep my curious eyes from fluttering eyes to open and take in the blinding light. I grimaced at the action, but didn't five in to the assault that was being presented to my senses. The sheets that covered me were beige, they were brought up to my chin. I was tucked in like a child it seems.

I try to move my head, stretch my surely tired limbs but to no avail. An astounding sense of deja vu hit me in waves, almost sending bubbling waves of panic to break free of it's forgotten place in my mind. I breathed sharply through my nostrils before steadily, and **_shakily_** , let the air out of my lungs in a slow calculating manner.

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I feel the tenseness off my body slowly but surely rip out it's claws of discomfort.

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 ** _' Good if you go into a panic attack, you won't be able to breathe. '_**

I slowly survey the area letting my eyes get adjusted to brightness of my environment. Red was the most prominent color I could make out. It was vivid, bright but more like a burgundy. I saw paneling filling up half of the wall with intricate patterns carved into the wood. My hands twitched to feel it's smooth or possibly rough surface. I could feel my chest rise and fall easily, unburdened by any bruise. A pleased smile upturned the corners of my lips ever so slightly. Clarity was rapidly brushing my senses in strokes of alertness. My thoughts reaching a point of slowness, a calm that can only be found in sources of comfort.

 _"Ohayo shojo-chan" a voice, soft and rubbed thin with calming tones called out into the electric air._

My eyes swiveled almost instantly, alarmed at the sudden baritones flooding my ear drums with it's presence. Deep and withered with obvious age and knowledge, I felt my skin prickle in apprehension. Previous thoughts of some sort of stability, and warmth were trickling out into a void.

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 _"How are you..?"_

Like a gaping wound.

I forced a smile on my face, something to show I was slightly coherent of the voice. The smile was fraudulent ; I couldn't conceal the small inkling fear shining through my gaze like fire. I screwed my eyes shut on instinct alone, but I hastily stretched my clenched lids open. The root for this action was fear, fear of being more disadvantaged than my current situation placed me in. Coldness, wet and damp seeped into the skin on my forehead, I saw a large palm maneuver a dark wash cloth repeatedly over my skin.

A slightly plump man entered my vision, white hair flaking the sides of his obviously aged face. He was wearing a buttoned up shirt, that looked slightly soiled if the dirt stains peppering the cloth had anything to go by. This didn't deter the need to thank the man for his continued application of a cool cloth to my heated forehead. For a while, I purposely avoided letting my eyes wander off to his face for fear of my somewhat outlandish eyes would scare him. I knew for a fact that my gaze had an unusually depth to them ; a deepness that seem void like and at times a bit too haunting. Killua never commented on my dark orbs, but I remember all in once instance it was best not to let my thoughts wander off when my irises were directed at someone else.

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" I'm surprised you're awake little one."

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 ** _'I would have responded, I'm surprised I'm even alive at this point but, I cheated death once already.'_**

I thought that kind of response was best kept to the inner musings of my brain, while my throat dared me to even utter a sound. The pain that would be disastrous with any type of sound leaving my parched mouth, so I kept my mouth shut.

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"You gave Killua-sama quite a scare young one."

I slowly took in those words, with more than a grain of salt.

Killua... I couldn't help but wonder if he was training right now at this very moment. He was strained, tired, with a workload that many will never even begin to understand. I seen it, his irritation seep through in waves while being in close proximity. The way his lips thinned when a quietness would befall the little times he would seek some type of company. I couldn't really offer myself as a distraction in childish banter, or playful games that would bring out a slight competitive streak within him. No, it would not be enough to suffice to ease his mind. No, he would brood in silence with whatever thoughts plagued his silver lock covered head.

The man brought a cup of water to my closed mouth, but I could only gulp down small sips of water at a time. The water smoothed over my sore vocal cords, easing the tension built up within my throat.

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"Maa, Maa now that you had some water can you tell me how you're feeling ?"

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"...I've had better days." My voice came out scratchy like sandpaper and had myself grimacing at the statement that was released into the air. A chuckle rang out from the man.

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"I could say the same for the both of us."

He brought the cup of water to my lips again before bringing food to sit on the nightstand.

"Can you sit up?"

I nodded briefly, pulling my sore muscles upright before letting my head hit the headrest behind me. I barely moved five inches, still absent of any energy to function properly apparently. The man gently shifted my body into an upright position before grabbing the bowl of food he placed on the nightstand.

"It's only porridge, nothing to hard to swallow." He smiles a little knowing smile at my obvious suspicion. The oats slightly burn on the way down my throat, but the burn felt soothing?

This continued on for about ten minutes since my mouth was so small, and I could barely move as it was. The man hummed a little tune into the silent atmosphere, creating a comfortable silence. He was patient letting me take all the time I needed to soothe my empty stomach. Once the dish was empty, the man gently placed it back onto the nightstand.

"I'm Zebro one of the groundskeepers here."

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 _So that's why he looked so painstakingly familiar._

"What might your name be young miss ?"

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I didn't know my name.

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As strange as it sounds, I never really thought about calling myself anything. Avoiding even more confrontation that I could very possibly alter the future of this whole world by my very existence. I felt like I didn't have the right I'm left with these options that hold unforeseeable consequences whether I act or not. Baba-san was the only title I really allowed for myself since Killua so kindly calls me this on a daily basis. Even then it's a nickname, or a form of playful teasing that I don't really take seriously.

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A name...

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A identity that I will have to take control over. A final step into taking a placement in this world, and forging through it. Pride, so much pride will be taken into this new title, meaning that most will probably not understand ; yet it is unnecessary for anyone else to except for those I want to be deemed to. A certain white haired boy drifts back into my thoughts...

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His ingenious orbs, are all I can think about when it comes to meaning. A gaze that will wither away with time and be replaced by something that's...

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My lips form the word before I could possibly second guess myself.

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"Iris"

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In the end I wouldn't want to correct that statement.

A smile curved Zebro-san's lips upward.

"What a pretty name Iris-chan."

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 _It was a name inspired by the changing orbs of a certain white head I know. Inspired by his ingenious eyes._

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I smiled to myself at his compliment. He withdrew the bed before I even realized it. I guess I was already prepared to fall into a blissful slumber. With a heavy sigh my eyes fluttered shut to the sound of a door clicking.

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 _"Iris-chan" A soft voice flooded my ear drums like honey. The voice was young, but pleasant and definitely feminine. My eyes fluttered slowly, ever so slowly to the source of the soft voice. I didn't need to hear an introduction from the form, I recognized her before she even spoke._

"I'm Canary, Zebro-san told me to leave you some clothes to change into and to assist you with whatever you may need."

She was so small, petite and freaking adorable. She still had obvious baby fat stuck to her cheeks that complimented her doe like eyes so childishly. I wanted to squeeze her in my little arms so badly.

"Thank you Canary-san, I won't really need much besides some directions to a shower please."

She smiled politely. " I can show you right away."

 ** _'She was so polite, and so innocently cute that it hurt.'_**

I quickly gathered the garments that were left in the room for me to wear, while I followed Canary's form into the corridor. The hallway was long, and seemed to stretch on for miles. Even more so since my legs were so short in my current stature. When we finally arrive at our destination Canary briefed me on how to get back to my room, and where I could venture off to if I need help or want to explore before she left to go do her own duties.

I opened the door into a white tiled room filled with expensive objects lining the whole floor. I couldn't help but gape at the walk-in shower or the bathtub that had intricate designs carve into its marble. I saw no personal items left in the space besides a few hygiene products here and there. I took my time cleaning myself under the actual hot spray of the showerhead. I know I needed a little change of scenery besides bathing in the scenery of the outdoors.

The steam helped with any soreness I previously had in my muscles, and when I turned off the water I felt like a new wom- well I felt like a new person. A new Iris.

I changed into a light blue t-shirt that was a little big around the sleeves, and some khaki shorts. I didn't bother with the shoes just yet, I wanted my feet to enjoy a little bit more freedom before they become confined to two pieces of leather.

I noticed a full length mirror next to the sink and ambled over towards it. A small round nose greeted my vision, wide black depthless eyes stared right back at it's looker. Long black hair cascaded down my back in slight waves like a curtain, while bangs hung over my forehead in a few choppy waves, but still complimented my heart shaped face. I noticed a small mole by my mouth that was almost unnoticeable unless you were in close proximity of. My skin was a tawny brown that was in different areas from my injuries.

My lips were a bit rosy, pink bordering the line of red. Long eye lashes framed my eyes like silk ribbons, my face wasn't much different I believe from before I died. Even thinking about the possibility b left a bitter feeling in my gut, while my mind constricted around a block set in my memories.

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	5. Chapter 5

So I'm back at it again ? Hello lovely people, I was just stuck with the sudden urge to update. I hope you guys like this chapter. To be honest it feels weird to be typing after not updating since April. However, I've been busy so I apologize. I sincerely do, and I hope that wherever this story leads you guys will enjoy the trip down with me.

I recommend listening to the song Jhope/Tinashe Boy meets Evil/Bet while reading.

 _ **Chapter 5: Fire**_

 _I bet on the story that progresses._

 _Temptation trickles out in waves to flow into the lands of doubt._

 _Fire and lighting are elements that gingerly strike out the skies with its roar._

 _The heat strokes and grazes the skin in drops of awe tingled with bouts of hesitation._

 _Still… I bet on it._

 _-anonymous_

 _o_ _៙_ _…_ _઼ஃ઼઼઼_ _઼ஃ_ _઼_ _…_ _៙_ _o_

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Song, is a form of expression that I find myself leaning on these days.

Beats string together a tune, with a lyric that multiplies in my mind's eye. I see the complicated placement of sounds draw me in with its allure. Enchanting the way, the rhythms would linger in my ear drums despite being absent in my presence. Enticing I would say, how different variations of voices could enrapture a person. The notes sink into a pleasant hum with no distinguishable words that can be communicated to many. Flow, it's a simple term to draw out to fluidity of the trains of thoughts that lingers. Whispers will not be met with a face drawn with reprimands. Scorching the only onlooker around with distress.

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I run the halls eagerly like an unrestricted child, with no chance of harming herself. I could unnatural quips of excitement encroach my whole being. I could feel this body's energy to the breaches of my core, and I could only truly say it was unfamiliar. The feeling was almost an out of body experience, and I was once again reminded that this body shouldn't have belonged to me. Wisps of black fill my vision but I ignore it, in favor of thinking about a certain whitehead. My feet echo the resounding hallway with loud claps and clanks. The clanks only increased in frequency as I was letting my eagerness consume me whole. The sound drags out through the paneled walls almost in slow motion, making my travel towards the end of the hallway drawn out. Seemingly eerie to some, but I wouldn't let such paranoia inhibit myself today.

I allowed leather shoes that were much too big for my small frame to be attached to my feet by buckles. The shoes were at best...cutesy but I _accidentally_ scuffed them up a bit on the tip here. I also almost ruefully let Zebro-san put me into a navy blue skort, and a pastel orange camisole. To top things off my bangs were clipped back to show my wide forehead, and my obnoxiously black death pools labeled as eyeballs. I still took the treatment like a champ I may add, I kind of been a bit of a ragamuffin since I woke up.

My hair was placed into one low swishing ponytail that I unashamedly admit that I like to whip around. My raven locks swish as I slow down my frantic legs in favor of skipping down the halls. I turn the corner of the hallway to see a certain whitehead calmly lounging on a red sofa adorned with beautiful woodwork framing the arms of it. My curiousness was peaked as well as my excitement that threated to rip out my lungs in the most vocal way possible. I almost couldn't contain that inner demon that wants to let my fangirlish tendencies lose, but I reign it in.

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Killua was wearing a blue tank top today with some brown khakis, with a pair or dark orange converse. A lollipop was haphazardly hanging out his mouth with his eyes drawn up to the ceiling with a lazy gaze. His form was slouched against the couch in a relaxing matter. His gaze seemed to be verging on a light azure shade. Versus the almost cobalt color that was swimming in those irises of his. I couldn't help but to observe him, for a bit longer before I made myself known to the little tart. As soon as my feet stepped into the surrounding area, his form blurred out of my vision.

The blue of his shirt, the brown of his khakis, and the white of his hair all merged together in a startling blob. The transition of the movement was so fast, I felt like I would be getting whiplash from the sight.

I could sense the little demons of doubt creep upon my vision like the little parasitic insects they are. My head was pulsating in whispered rhythms of _"_ _ **You're a little bit mad aren't you. . . look at this game your mind plays on you. . ."**_ My heart very predictably shot up into my throat to the point where breathing seemed like a foreign concept. The stabbing pain I felt burning in my lungs almost felt like a feather light brush of skin, compared to the paranoia that was seeping from my whole being.

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A few seconds of my life span were stolen in that moment.

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Life oozed back into my lungs like a broken dam. My lips popped open like a gaping fish that was returned to its beautiful life source that dripped into their veins. When oxygen flowed in quickly, my lungs burned like liquid fire in response. I couldn't get enough of my much-needed life source, not nearly enough as I hunched over my knees.

My hands started to slip from my knees, from the slick sheen of sweat that formed. As my hands started slipping, I found my little form not so gracefully punched the floor with my delicate face. There would be a very apparent and obvious bruise where my face met the floor in only a few seconds prior. I could feel the utter pressure of shame and embarrassment breaking down on my shoulders like the little shits they are.

Utter silence engulfed the room for a _sweet, brief,_ few seconds where I could wallow in shame. Those seconds as horrifyingly long as they were, was not enough to wait out the inevitable. A tinkling sound of devilish laughter filled my eardrums to the brim with even more embarrassment.

"Pfft….Ha..hahahaha… HAHAHAH….fhhhhhh...HAHahahaha…."

My cheeks burned, and my hair fell out of the neat pony tail Zebro-san put into my dark locks. The heat that was burning inside my cheeks seemed to become increasingly more unbearable as the seconds ticked. My hair couldn't even shadow my flustered appearance to the little Devil standing in front of me.

I was kneeling at this point waiting for Killua's hunched body to stop convulsing from his laughs. Well his guffaws, that were still unfortunately booming in the semi large room. I could only scowl at him as his laughing definitely didn't cease to exist and I had an inkling that he was passing the five-minute mark into this laughing fit.

I finally decide to at least attempt stopping him from a death by laughter. "Are you done yet, _Cherry boy?"_

His eyes instantly shoot up to my own, with an overwhelming amount of cockiness emulating from them. The light azure that once shaded his irises, burn now with darker undertones of greys that bring on a sense of foreboding. His eyes were bright but, overwhelming shadowed by a teasing glint that's shining in their depths. My eyes were once again drawn into his own, to observe the enigma in front of me. My gaze was drawn to his mouth, as I saw a menacing upturn of his lips turned his smile into a conniving smirk.

"Are you sure you can see okay? With you being scared half to death onto the floor I wouldn't think your little frail heart could take it _Baba-san."_ The way he lets that sentence drawl from his lips only serves to infuriate my little form immensely.

I scoffed at him, not refraining from rolling my eyes. Letting my body language speak volumes for my obvious displeasure. "Please, in fact you should be respecting me anyways, I'm older and taller!"

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He bends his head so he can look me directly, with his little mischievous eyes glinting. His sneaky little hand grabbing a strand of my hair, while rubbing it in-between his fingers.

"Of courseeee you are, hentai-o-bachan." The way he whispered that phrase in my ear, eerily reminded me of a cat playing with its food.

I instantly shot up into his smug looking face. My hair fluttering in a got dang whirlwind of indignant fury.

Well embarrassment but whatever.

I let barely an inch pass between us, to make sure he would get my point. I wanted to drill a piece of my mind into his white lock covered head. My eyes strained into his smugly, making sure he could see my hand meet the top of his head. My hand slowly eased back to my own and what do you know I was a couple centimeters taller than him.

I smirked triumphantly, letting my ego swell in front of his _**shorter frame.**_ When of course as fast as the smirk appeared on my face, my bum met the carpeted ground. There was no warning when my weight was harshly shifted and my balance was shaken. There was no softness in the way my rear ended in its current position. When my eyes swiveled upwards to meet the culprit, I saw the most devious smirk turn his lips upwards.

"Oh, I couldn't hear you from _all the way down there_." I couldn't stand the sight of him picking his nails, while disinterestingly addressing me. It was like I was an annoyance to him.

I could feel a vein on my forehead bulging. _ **'OH no, I'm going to do something stupid'**_

"Oh, are you _going to do something about it hag_?"

I stood slowly, ever so slowly to my full height. I was going to see if I could make him a bit flustered. A dark chuckle rang clear through my mind at the thought. I stepped forward one step only to meet his unflinching and bored gaze drawn towards me. A devious smile drawn itself onto my lips, _'_ _ **I wouldn't back down so easily . . ."**_

I let another step fall in-between us eating up the distance. I let another, and another step reverberate off the walls until a little less than half a foot was left between us. A pregnant silence ensued as my eyebrow quirked in a challenge. His eyebrow quirked in a seemingly bored façade, but I could still see the underlying curiousness in his eyes. My head tilted to the side as I narrowed my eyes playfully. I purposely let my gaze trail over his form to size him up. By the scoff I let out, I obviously wanted to let him know I wasn't impressed in the slightest.

My arm extended forward and extended over his left arm. I let my fingers trail upwards to the collar of his shirt, and his eyes narrowed at the action but he didn't move his inquiring gaze from my hand. I coughed to get his attention back and diverted to my depthless gaze. I let my lashes lower in a flirty manner, but in a manner that he wouldn't understand. I could see in it the way his eyebrows scrunched up and his gaze left me seeing the perplexity in them. My hand still trailed slowly over the collar of his shirt and started to make a trail downwards. I let a small smile take place on my cheeks tasting victory already on the tip of my tongue.

" I don't see how you being a _**pervert**_ is proving me -"

My hands like lighting twisted into the depths of his shirt giving him something he probably never experienced before.

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" _**WHAT INnN THE fReaKKInnG HHeLL !"**_

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 _A purple nurple . . ._

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His startled screech was the sound of sweet victory flooding my ear drums. I could practically hear the angelic choir singing praises of my arduous work. My fists raised in the air Damn I couldn't stop laughing, at all since I could feel the liquid little devils known as tears prickle my eyes.

" _Ha ha haHA_ _ **HA HA HA ha hahahahahahahahhaha pff… HHAhhAha !"**_

Ahh, I can't help it, and I couldn't help it as I hunched over and my laughter didn't cease like I thought it would. No _Jesus_ I couldn't help it. Tears leaked out the sides of my face as my laughter continued to wrack my body in infrequent bursts.

 _o_ _៙_ _…_ _઼ஃ઼઼઼_ _઼ஃ_ _઼_ _…_ _៙_ _o_

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" _Oh, for candy's sake can you at least try not to_ _ **get killed**_ _?!"_

My foot was caught in a quite precarious position, hovering over a broken twig. I could only smile somewhat sheepishly as Killua's glare only darkened at the sight.

 _The only reason why we even ended up out in the woods again was because, Killua was going to leave me cackling on the floor and I didn't want to lose him so early in the day. I didn't think he would be so bothered by my little bit of gloating. So, I trailed after his form, well more like running a bit since he made a quite a bit of distance between us before I realized he just left me. There wasn't a lot of wind blowing today, so the sun was already make my skin glisten with sweat._

 _He was quickly making work of some green hills loitering around before he dived into the forestry. When I caught up towards him, he once again disappeared from my vision only to appear behind me. His hand was drawn towards my neck razor sharp, and just a hairs breathe away from slicing my flesh. My neck tensed in anticipation of his next movement. When I went to question his intentions, he blatantly cut me off from talking and started pointing out the things that would get me killed if I was trailing behind him in a city, or if I was in an unknown environment._

So here we are now, with him being my new stealth teacher/assassin in training, and me being the insufferable trainee, if the look in his eyes has anything to say about it. I would tease him about it, if I didn't think he had enough of my presence for one day, and would just leave me lost in his family owned property. Killua's steps once again started to pick up a pace that almost seemed brutal to my small legs.

"Killua, I'm trying my best here. How could I even outsmart an assassin who's trained to sense people stalking them?"

My eyes dropped to the grass covered soil in frustration. I hated that I sounded a tad bit whiny, and even more so childish but I would not be making any obvious progress anytime soon. That I was for sure certain of. I was surprised to find myself almost walking into his back when he abruptly stopped in the middle of the forest.

"I'm not asking you to completely hinder me, and try to outsmart me." He scoffed at the thought of it.

"That would be impossible." He directed his eyes forward. I could only see the back of his white locked covered head, and the slight wind that decided to flutter around his form. To what he was looking at, I may never know, but the idea of possibly knowing a slither, of what was turning in that head of his was clogging my mind like a smoke-filled fog. The temptation was too palpable in my skewing thoughts.

"I'm just asking you to not get yourself killed. . . as if I was just a normal person walking along the street that you were following." He sighed before revolving his eyes back to my form. His eyebrows weren't furrowed but I could see the tension in his jaw that he refused to conceal.

"Still, even if you were to step foot into a big city, you would more than likely be killed before sunset." There was no emotion dripped into that last phrase that uttered from his lips. His mouth was drawn shut, almost as if it was sewn together. There was no frown apparent on his jaw, his face was smooth without any sense of perceived humanity flowing within it. I saw a blankness to his expression that I have never seen so close. He resembled a porcelain doll, a figurine that was only meant to be displayed on a shelf. Those statements might seem like something that should've been alarming and set me all the way off into a state of terror, but they didn't.

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What set my heart ablaze with a harsh drum rattling my chest was the way his fingers clenched into his fist. Blood, slipped down from his palms in a few droplets to the forested ground.

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Just as quickly as my heartbeat sky rocketed, it's pumping slowed down to a lazy drawl within my form, when I realized he was not looking at me. . . but he was looking through me. Through my form, and through my soul, as he pierced me with his expression, but blurred out the other lines of reality.

I sighed, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as I made my way up to his form. His fringe was shadowing his eyes frown my own searching ones, and for that I was glad that I couldn't see them. I don't think I could quite handle delving into his piercing gaze. I had to make my way over to stand in front of him. I didn't dare touch his hands. My own petite one, went to grasp the bottom of his shirt. He didn't flinch away or tense at the action.

I turned away from him, hand still grasped in his shirt as I opened my ears up to our surroundings. My ears prickled as I heard the slight rushing sound of water lapping against the land in the distance. When I moved towards the sound there was no resistance from Killua's part as I treaded through the woods. Silence enveloped us together, but it wasn't awkward, if anything it was soothing.

When our feet stopped, there was only a few inches between the water and out toes digging into nature's cool liquid caress. I turned hesitantly, vigilant and watchful of the form that had yet to lash out in anger or in an indignant emotion that I couldn't yet fathom. I slowly, ever so slowly with purposeful and calculated movements allowed my petite hands to encircle his own tiny wrists. I guide his body to kneel with mine, as I ease his hands into the river. Red and pink, slightly tints the blue ness of the crystalline water before they become submerged into a thing of the past. What was left behind was the vision of my tawny skin standing out starkly against his own. I let my fingers draw tiny circles into his wrists as I gently brought his hands out of the water.

I dried his hands as well as my own with my shirt. I was placing his own hands back into his lap, when he quickly grasped one of my own hands around the wrist.

" _Why did you do that…"_ The sound is whispered into the air so quietly that I had to strain my ears to listen for it. I didn't answer at first, and I couldn't as my mind was being clouded and by the small circles his own fingers were drawing on my wrists. My eyes didn't meet his at first since I was too enraptured by the sensation that wouldn't go away, that the sensation that I was feeling on my own form was very much so real, and tangible.

When my eyes revolved around to meet his own, I couldn't help the little hitch that came from my lips. What I saw was not, sadness but innocence. So much childlike innocence that I couldn't help but to gape at it. His eyes were blue, but not like his usual sapphire, but that seemed aqua as they were shining like gems. I moved my hand that wasn't taken by his own and made a little finger gun before bopping him on the nose.

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"Ha, looks like you're the one who got caught." I whispered childishly to his ear.

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" _I guess so…"_

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	6. Chapter 6

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** **: Hey, lovely, lovely readers. I'm back at it again writing for this little piece of fanfiction right here. I have several other ideas for fanfiction, but I wanted to at least stick with this story for a couple more chapters before I expand on the idea. Still, anyways I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well as any others. Do you guys think I should get a ao3 account to post this story on there? This chapter turned out to be a lot longer than I expected. I honestly didn't think I would be posting this week either, but thanks for reading.**

 **I RECOMMEND LISTENING TO RING RING BY SIK-K WHILE READING THIS.**

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 **DISCLAIMER** **:**

"Talking"

' _ **Thoughts'**_

Enjoy ~

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 _o_ _៙_ _…_ _઼ஃ઼઼઼_ _઼ஃ_ _઼_ _…_ _៙_ _o_

 _-I got loyalty, and royalty inside my DNA_

 _-Loyalty, got royalty inside my DNA_

 _-Cocaine quarter piece, got war and peace inside my DNA_

 _-I got power, poison, pain and joy inside my DNA_

 _-Kendrick Lamar_

 _o_ _៙_ _o_ _៙_ _o_ _៙_ _o_ _៙_ _o_ _៙_ _o_ _៙_ _o_ _៙_

 _ **-I got feelings, and I got instincts inside my DNA**_

 _ **\- Would you be angry if I said I don't remember what makes up my DNA**_

 _ **\- Would I like to remember the rest of what it means to mean to have my DNA**_

 _ **-Was it relevant, if I forgot what else makes my DNA**_

 _ **-Featuring an Extension-**_

 _o_ _៙_ _…_ _઼ஃ઼઼઼_ _઼ஃ_ _઼_ _…_ _៙_ _o_

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 _ **Chapter :6 Baby I'm not Afraid to Die.**_

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I wonder if Killua would like to blow bubbles. If he would ever indulge in such a simple past time.

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I wonder if he would let me pop them over his nose. A dull sensation of water touching his skin in sprinkles with a mischievous little splat. I would like to see how the bubble retracted my vision of him into odd swirls and twists of colors, before it would shatter into a million small specs of nothing. The pop would signify it's time to return to the world of the present, and it would be a blessing in disguise to be able to return to such a reality after looking at its warped counterpart. The odd hues would blend and skew into vibrant scenes of alignment.

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I wonder if Killua knows that the earth has rotated enough to the point where a new year will begin. Many nights have passed with slow but steady words that slowly dripped into a new habit that became all the more important to the topic of our conversations. I think we transcend into a new standing of ground from that day that he let me wash his hands of his own tensions. For a day, at least in the silence of rushing water. The water changed in its fluidity and its temperature as months passed with slight suspicion and anticipation for what would come next.

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I wonder if Killua recalls that his birthday is on July 7th and that I have been anxiously waiting for that date to arrive.

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Killua will be eight this year, and I will be all the wiser to what will be inevitably coming in the future. The delight of such a personal piece of information was not bestowed upon me from the person in question. There was a chance, an opportunity that opened up an untimely door in a haze and distant rush. The rush was brought forth from a bottomless pit that unfurled its breaches known as hunger, that made its appearance all the more _thrilling_ as my stomach voiced its displeasure.

 _It was about three nights ago, when sleep trickled out from under my back like grains of sand, and in a unexpectant rush of adrenaline my body moved with new found vigor to a find some sort of space that littered with sweets and spices. My white t-shirt was crumpled as well as my cobalt shorts that somehow managed to stick to my skin like glue. I felt heat flow through my body from the tippity top part of my head to the littlest pinky on my feet. My hands fisted into the light sheets that were blocking a much-needed coolness on my skin, before I threw them onto the floor with reckless abandon. When I heard a deep and age riddled voice drip into my ear drums like honey from a distance my feet slowed to an almost snail like crawl to sneak away to find the haven of a kitchen._

 _The tile that was once being peppered with small but hurried steps finally called onto my attention as apprehension tied its familiar metaphorical noose around my neck. Not to the point where my breath was caught and stolen by selfish and demanding emotions but apparent enough where it would be refused to go on unknown to my mind._

" _Killua-sama's birthday…. coming up….know….Well I'm….Still…We…July 7_ _th_ _…"_

 _My lips popped open with a distinct audible sound in the realization of it. I soaked in the information, to firmly engrave the date into my sleep deprived mind as everything started to feel a bit fuzzy, and even more so dark if I wanted to make it back before my eyelids decided to drape themselves against my dark eyes again._

 _My stomach once again wanted to demonstrate the sound of a whale's mating call, as I felt it twist and clench around the hollowness that was residing within it._

 _I dipped back out of that hallway to once again return my attention to my original objective. Like whether they have cheesecake and whipped cream sitting in the refrigerator._

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I was lucky that my stomach is a heartless predator that preys on anything to do and be associated with the general topic of food.

I saw the obvious preparations in the kitchen the next day when I finally asked Zebro-san if he could lead me to its food haven once again. There was something about these elaborately crafted walls that always made me lose my way while trying to navigate around them. I saw ingredients strewn about marble counters, and crafted drawers in an organized chaos. The wood was dark and a mahogany color that complimented the dark counter tops greatly. The floor was more of a beige like color with precise cracks littering throughout it.

"Zebro-san, why are all these ingredients lying about?"

 _I found it better to play the part of my childish innocence rather than the cynical girl that was just a bit too sarcastic to be taken seriously in his presence._

He turned towards me with his eyebrow quirked, and an enormous grin taking place on his aged face. He moved effortlessly about the kitchen to move some of the more heavier ingredients back to their respective places.

"Oh, I thought _you_ would know why already Mrs. Explorer."

' _ **Oh, crap of course he knew about my late-night adventure.'**_

I feigned ignorance to his knowing look, and went to get on the stool that was pulled over to the counter. I remember the first time that I tried to climb on it, my legs were so tired from running around all day that Zebro-san helped me up onto it. _There would've have been a type of red that would have burned so prominently in my cheeks that you would be able to see it through my tawny brown skin; if I wasn't ready to pass out then and there._

I was brought out of my inner musings by distinct clinging of a plate brought before me. A single slice of cheesecake stood centered on the polished plate with a crisp crumble bottom. The top of the slice was finely bronzed at the beginning to the light pale yellow towards the end of the cake. Whipped cream topped this finely cold piece of perfection in one tall strand. One strawberry shared the place with the whipped cream while the sauce drizzled off the center next to two other strawberries. My mouth practically salivated a water fall in readiness.

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I was looking at straight food porn.

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I liked it though.

I barely registered the fork being placed in my hand as I dug into the devilish snack that was sitting before me.

I could hear his laugh boom around the room, but I couldn't give less of a flying frick about that in favor of this piece of devilish heaven sliding in between my lips.

When I finally finished my plate, Zebro-san turned to address me.

"Killua-sama's birthday is today young one."

I nodded minutely before voicing my next question.

"Will Killua be visiting today?"

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Zebro-san turned away towards me as he was once again investing himself in his work.

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"I don't know Iris-chan."

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 _o_ _៙_ _…_ _઼ஃ઼઼઼_ _઼ஃ_ _઼_ _…_ _៙_ _o_

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Killua seemed a quite bit distant from wanting to fall into a comfortable line of conversation these days. Time ticked and slowed for no one, but my mind would refuse to conjure up such a belief as the seconds ticked to a slow tempo. Sure, he would let me rub his wrists in the dead of night when he just couldn't fall asleep. These occurrences did not happen often, but when they did I wouldn't dare lay my head on his own form while touching his wrist so delicately. Sleep called to me in an insistent song while the temptation to just lay on him skyrocketed at a pace that left me with whiplash.

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 _On a particularly humid night, the stars were somewhat clouded with remnants of a storm that passed, and a reminder of what was to come. I was once again laying inside the cavern that I once resided in from the day's past. Yet the rocky walls of the dark opening seemed unfamiliar as I have become accustomed to warm sheets, and a soft voice breaking me into the new day's dawn._

 _I sat at the opening clutching the soft yellows of the night dress that was weighing against my skin. The cloth went to my knees, as there were no sleeves and the collar was high on my neck. All these sensations that were building up an essay of thoughts to evaluate, and there was an overload of a feeling of puzzlement._

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 _I was now spoiled to the liking's of a warm bed, nice clothes, and a chance to converse with someone so. . . complex._

 _I sat at the opening, letting the soles of my feet graze the grass that has yet to be cut from all the time I spent here. Flowers bloomed in pastels and glowed with an intense illuminance that could only be described as ethereal. The glows from the green life left my skin to be tinted in blues and pinks from its rays. I was leaning towards the wall while I took in the thin prickling sensation of the rock touching my skin, close to cutting but just imprinting._

 _I felt wind gust up into the humid air like a cool compress. My skin prickled in awareness when I felt someone sitting next to me. I didn't gasp nor did I scream like an ignorant oblivious fool, but my body did tense with the whirlwind of my recent thoughts came to grace me with his presence._

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 _I knew he liked to scare me just a little bit, before greeting me in any shape or form now a days._

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 _Huh, Killua was doing a lot more things now a days wasn't he?_

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 _I let my eyes shift and do all the inspection I needed to observe him. His stature, his tension, his perceptible despondency, and the state of his apparel. Well what do you know, he was wearing a yellow jacket and some black shorts. I could see the color coordination thing we were having lately, and frankly I enjoyed those little unintentional coincidences more than I should have._

 _He was totally and utterly pristine from head to toe without a speck of dirt to be seen anywhere. Which set off flares of warning within my own head in soft voices which contrasted greatly to the thumping that predicted a possible upcoming headache._

 _His form being granted a type cleanliness that practically repelled any type of dirt to fall upon him could only mean one thing..._

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 _He was just killing someone and or something._

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 _It's an educated guess from what I can presume since his late-night visits were usually initiated by him to relive stress and to have a mutually comfortable conversation. Well as much as a nearly eight years old assassin in training could have._

 _I think Killua grew to dislike the sight of blood when I was around to take notice, he seemed uncomfortable and even worse stand offish when he would reek of it. His once in a while spontaneous night visits painted visibly of red work came to a stop._

 _My attention was ultimately brought back to his arm that he reached from within his jacket pocket to extend towards my own. Not touching but close enough to get his point across. I let my hand reach out attentively circle my petite digits around his wrist before rubbing it in a smooth fashion. He shifted his form to lay beside me on the cavern wall, but with a respectful amount of distance between us._

 _He silently motioned for me to take up his other hand in the same soothing manner, and I had no objections to the idea._

 _I was silent, for the fear of asking about the unknown was a healthy fear as well as a dangerous fear. I didn't impose questions onto him, since if he wanted me to know he would let the thought pass through his childish cheeks with no remorse. So, I bite my tongue and just be at ease with him, since he was trying for my sake._

" _Iris…" His voice is devoid of his usual mischievous tilt, and that I visibly frown upon when I respond._

" _Yes, Killua?" I drawled out in hushed tones._

 _He stares at our almost conjoined hands with hooded lids, and a drowsy expression taking place on his porcelain face. His eyelashes fluttered closed when my thumbs started to not only rub the backside but the sole of his own palms. Despite all the training that would suck up the time he has like a black hole, they were smooth to the touch. Much smoother than my own that were just grazing his own skin. I would try to let my own course palms leave only the barest of touches. Despite my somewhat arrogant way of addressing him about my looks, I did feel a tiny bit of hesitation and or in other words a disgusting trickle of embarrassment when I thought about the coarseness of my hands compared to his own._

 _When I was sure his eyes wouldn't shift to open towards me with annoyance, I pivoted my body in the slightest of movements to gaze at him. I was able to admire the length of his eyelashes in silent observation._

 _Both of his hands had a slight edge to them as his nails were still a bit lengthened from obvious use._

 _I felt a slight tugging sensation on my scalp. A few seconds ticked by as I conjured up a horrid idea that a little black piece of sh-spider was crawling on my hair. As I sought out the source of the feeling I saw small pale digits wrapped around a few strands in a slack but firm grip. My dark tresses were intermingled with his own special touch that brought forth the strands between his pointer finger and thumb._

 _A breath-taking amount of drowsiness came up in waves when I noticed the action, and while I was even more bemused by his actions right now than I have ever been. I let sleep lull me to a beautiful state of being unaware._

 _Blissfully unaware to the slow removal of heat from my hands as the night sky shifted into warmer tones, and the body residing besides my own finally reattached the palpable distance that lingered like a cloud._

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Which bring me back to the present situation, and it brings me back to a brooding stance in the middle of a sunny day. A few hours before midnight would encompass the land and Killua's date of birth would be upon us all. It's funny how such a small but personal thing could seem like a gigantic omen of ominous tension. Skewing away from those thoughts a bit, I would like to say that I'm glad my body hasn't matured enough yet to start growing unwanted arm pit hair. The heat was immense, but the shaded coverage of the forest gave me enough leeway not to tan in the sun like a burnt piece of wood.

I laughed at the thought.

Today my hair was styled to be in a high pony tail, courtesy of Zebro-san's skillful hands. My bangs of course were being the little _craps_ that they usually are so they were left to lie against the skin of my forehead. I was wearing a red romper, the pants legs went all the way down to my ankles, courtesy of Zebro-san yet again, and I think he took a little too much pleasure from dolling me up when I go out to explore.

I was practically bombarded at the ass crack of dawn, but only seeing the barest tips that faded into the darkened skies. Don't get me wrong I'm not adverse to being clean and girlish and all that crap, but I have issues with being woken up before the sun even deemed the land ready to be beamed with its rays of light.

My hair that was a mangled mess of dark ink, knots and random specks of dirt and lint was brushed, pulled and tugged to a painful amount of force. My scalp was already throbbing remembering what transpired several hours ago. A female servant that I couldn't remember the name of, nor could I remember her face threw me with my clothes on into a cold shower with a distinctive smile that sent distinct shivers down my spine. I mean it could have been the cold prickles of liquid ice running down my shirt but, that smile left a bitter taste in my mouth.

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' _ **Bitch'**_

Thankfully I was able to change the temperature and bathe in peace for at least couple minute before I hurried out the restroom in annoyance back to my dwelling.

I assumed that this was for me to be presentable in front of the young master strawberry. I didn't really bother to dwell on it and I didn't long to sit with such thoughts.

I felt the grass mingle in-between my toes, and I sighed in contentment as I smelled the sizzling summer air. It was refreshing and even more so calming, but I could see the signs of sunset that would befall upon the land.

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Screw shoes, my soles are bound to be in contact with the direct ground for the rest of today.

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My feet started to head towards the running water that I could hear in the distance. My pace was slow as there was no rush to take head too without a tart strawberry leading the way.

When my feet finally landed in the wet sand and soil near the rushing river I stopped a few inches away from the cool fluid. I sat by the water letting the sounds wash over me. There were fishing swimming contently in the water as time passed unhurriedly. I saw their scales glisten with the burning sun that set tinted hues of rose, fuchsia, and oranges to retract against their oily scales.

I smiled at the smallest fish out of the small school. He was special with his distinctly red and blue scales that didn't reflect the exact colors of the sun, the fish stood and glowed from the sun's attention. Hushed were the school's movements as I heard faint squawks and croons of birds from around me. The school moved, stopped and transpired until they were long gone out of sight and out of the range of any predator that may have been lingering.

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"La, La, la.. la..la..la….yeah, yeah…"

My lips formed the sounds before I fully realized I was humming along to a broken tune with no real distinctions of focus. My back plummeted to the grass around me in a soft _thump._

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I remember a time where at a time in my state of hysteria that this was what heaven be like. No distractions, and no loathsome but important conscience to knock at my door with reminders of guilt and obligations. Still, that was a much a thing of the past and I should be moving on to more happier thoughts to come across.

Like how the sun now reached its highest point in the day and how it's coming to a close in favor of a new moon shining in the darkened atmosphere.

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 _o_ _៙_ _…_ _઼ஃ઼઼઼_ _઼ஃ_ _઼_ _…_ _៙_ _o_

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Midnight fastly approached with the dead of night reaching an all-time high.

I long moved from the comforts of running water to a more secluded location on a hill that overviewed a wide portion of the land. I could see the faint outline of Kukuroo mountain in the distance. There was a distinct coolness in the air that made the night air crisp that begged for my attention to be brought towards it. The crickets chirped in the background at their own paces, and tempos. I sat at the edge of the hill, well the small cliff that allowed my feet to dangle over the edge of it.

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"Hag, what are you doing here?" A lazy voice drawled.

A distinctive boyish tilt was lying under that tone of voice. My eyes widened when I could detect a certain type of playfulness that hasn't been present in ages. That tone was something that welled up a splotch of laughter that threatened to be unleashed in all it's unknown fury. Mystified and somewhat taken back, I had to collect myself before I took any other action.

My head turned towards the source of the boyish tone, that made his steps purposely known to my untrained ears. I saw red converse, a white t-shirt and blue jeans, all of which made Killua's boyish charm that much more defined. A smirk was evident on his form, while his hair seemed even more wild and untamed than his usual appearance. Killua move to sit next to me before he turned his head towards my own.

I took notice in his slight change of height, and the slight more angular position of his eyes. I would like to say we were the same height as of the moment, and his own mischievous streaked gaze was filled with a plethora of blues that shifted with the retracting light of the moon.

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He grew, out of my sight when weeks or even months would pass without as much as a whisper of his whereabouts. He seemed to be almost a figment of my imagination at those times, when I was left to long to brood about different devices.

Time was so excruciatingly limited. Agonizingly so, and I know I was changing too, before his eyes as well as this world's eyes. Even though my existence here has barely even started.

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"Look who finally decided to show his chibi face." Heh, I couldn't help the teasing tilt of my voice that leaked into that phrase. Nor could I resist the exaggerated waggle of my eyebrows.

He scowled automatically as if it was a reflex, before he flicked my forehead.

"Chibi face? At least my eyes don't look like a dead fish!"

I pulled my eyelid down and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Well, at least I'm cute and I have a charming personality!" I whipped my pony tail for that extra emphasis.

"Charming personality?! You have all the tact of a rampaging bear, and cute? I'm cute, you just look strangely girly."

I fake gasped, hand drawn up dramatically to be placed in front of my open lips. "Well your talking to me aren't you? _What does that say about_ _ **you**_ _?_ Of course, you're cute, why would I be talking to you if you weren't? Can you at least compliment me or admit I'm _cute_ without it being an insult?Oh, you taken notice of something that I wear? I was starting to think that you were _**blind.**_ " My eyes rolled so many times during those statements that I could've sworn my eye got stuck for a minute.

He scoffed at me." I never said you were cute, I was just saying you didn't look like you just bathed in dirt for once. Anyways why would I pay attention to your clothes all the time? That's weird and kind of _perverted_ _ **hag**_ _._ "

I glared at him before bringing my pointer finger and thumb menacingly rubbing them together. " _Oh, do you want me to give you a purple nurple again?"_

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His eyes instantly scrunched up in panic, before his scowl imprinted itself deeper on his face. " _If you do that crap to me, I'll do it back every time but much, much worse!"_

Despite the obvious danger my nips were in I couldn't help but to burst out laughing when that phrase was uttered from his lips. Laughter shook my body with sheer force and I swear if I didn't lean backwards I would've fell off this hill already.

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 _Aww, he was becoming flustered by the way his ears were tinging with the color pink and by the pout on his lips._

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" _Oh sweet candy, . . . You.. pft…HAha… you, y-you…hahaHAHAha can't do that t-to me I'm a girl!"_

He hit me on the back of my head.

" _Why can't I?! Why is that an issue there's nothing there to grab anyways, your just like me and despite your hair length you act like a guy?!_ "

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I couldn't stop the shit eating grin that enveloped my face.

"I may not have _anything to grab_ , but I think people will get the wrong idea, like you might like to do that since other people like that, and you know… your last name being _Zoldyck."_

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" _Tch…perverted old hag…"_ He mumbled that sentence, but at least he didn't turn away from me.

I obviously won that argument.

A pregnant silence ensued that allowed my laughter to die down and the excitement. The slight flush of his face disappeared as quickly as it came. I missed the stark contrast that was visible on his pale face. I sighed into the air as Killua made no move to converse with me yet again.

I touched his wrist with my fingers. "Ne, what are you doing for your birthday Killua?"

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His eyes widened in the slightest of fractions before returning to their former size.

"Ah, that is today isn't it." He used his other hand to rub his thumb against my fingers absent mindedly.

"You know we need to celebrate it right? I'm pretty sure Zebro-san made you a cake, and you damn sure deserve one." I smiled at the thought of Killua digging into a cake made just specifically for him, since I know how much he adores sweets. I could already see his face light up in childish delight in the wake of something so sweet. Even more so than when he gets a new lollipop.

There was no visible change of his facial expression but the way his thumb abruptly stopped rubbing against my fingers and my knuckles was enough of an indicator. He didn't remove his fingers but he didn't bother to continue his previous actions.

"It's not really that important, I don't really celebrate it…we could just celebrate your birthday instead whenever it comes."

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I smiled at him before I let my voice cut into the cool air. With the sound came a stifling silence.

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"I don't know when my birthday is though."

' _ **I didn't know where I came from, and I didn't know who I was supposed to be.'**_

I drew my hand away from his touch. My whole body practically screamed at the loss of the small contact.

"I don't know how old I am either, or where I come from." Killua slowly but gently put his hand on the back of my scalp, the sensation of it tickled my neck. His hands ghosted around my neck in indefinite patterns as we just sat taking everything in.

He pushed my head to meet his clothed shoulder. "Well, we could just celebrate yours the same day as mine."

My two fingers went to grasp his own two. I felt something shift in his demeanor but I didn't comment on it. I savored the feeling of contentment. I didn't ask for more because I couldn't really conjure a thought about it. I felt something stir in between the two of us, he as someone who just wanted to be okay, and me as the person who was given something more than life, but was removed from pasts gone. It wasn't a bond of trust, since I would have to first learn to trust myself with my most inner musings but it was a bond of understanding.

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 _…and I couldn't ask for anything more than for someone to just understand._

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"I'd like that…I really would."

He was going to be okay, and I was going to try my best to be so too.

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 _o៙…઼ஃ઼઼઼઼ஃ઼…៙o_

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	7. AUTHOR'S NOTE UPDATE INFORMATION

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** **: I would like to say, I thank you guys for reading my story. I accept positive criticism and constructive criticism both alike so I really appreciate you guys writing down and telling me what you think. My spacing gets messed up a lot while I'm typing on the computer because I usually use google docs to write, but I will cut down or at least try to make sure that it's not too tedious with scrolling. My formatting gets messed up a lot and often times after I update after a chapter I have to go back in to remove or add spaces and it's a whole mess that I would like to apologize for.**

 **I like to say that this story in at least the first several chapters WILL BE SLOW. Yes, it is slow, but that's the pace I'm going to really try to develop more of the OC's character as well as Killua's. So, if you don't like slow paced stories (THIS IS A SLOW-PACED STORY AT LEAST FOR A FEW CHAPTERS) I don't think this is for you. I even put a warning in the summary, to let other readers know. I will not change the pace of it, because everything I wrote has a purpose to it. Things that may seem insignificant now will be brought up for a purpose one way or another. The summary of this story, still tells a lot about what will happen, but it's vague and it still hints at what is to come. I have an entire layout out of events that I'm trying to carefully incorporate into the story. SO, thank you for reading, and I hope to receive more reviews that shows me what you guys think in the future. Also read the author's note guys, it'll tell you some information. Like in this one I'll only really update on weekends, so I'll probably update next weekend or the weekend after that at the latest.**

 **I'm going to probably go back and reformat some of the spacing on older chapters throughout the week, so I can get that fixed.**


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